The death of Shinee’s Kim Jong-hyun is one of the saddest memories in the K-pop industry.
Kim Jong-hyun, 27, is one of the most successful K-pop idols in the K-pop industry. Aside from being a member of Shinee, Jong-hyun was also a songwriter of some of the popular songs in the industry. He wrote Lee Hi’s Breathe and Kim Taeyeon’s “Breath.”
Upon listening to the song and hearing the lyrics, you can immediately hear and feel the loneliness that the late Shinee member has been going through all these years. Many, especially Shinee’s supporters, are still wondering what made him commit suicide despite the fame and glamour of the K-pop industry.
Kim Jong-hyun left a suicide letter that will explain everything behind his decision. The suicide letter was revealed to the public with his family’s permission.
Read Kim Jong-hyun’s suicide letter below:
I am broken from the inside.
The depression that slowly gnawed away at me has finally swallowed me whole.
And I could not defeat it.
I detested myself. I grabbed my disjointed memories and yelled at them to pull themselves together but was met with no response.
If I can’t help myself breathe properly it’s better to stop breathing at all.
I asked myself who was responsible for me.
I was utterly alone.
It’s easy to talk about the end.
It’s hard to actually end.
I lived until now because of that difficulty.
I told myself I wanted to run.
Yes, I wanted to run.
I asked who was there. It was me. It was me again. And it was me yet again.
I asked why I kept losing my memories. It was because of my personality. I see. So It’s all my fault in the end. I wanted people to notice but no one did. They’ve never even met me so of course they don’t know I exist.
I asked why they live. They just live, just live on.
If you ask why I die I would answer I am exhausted.
I have suffered and pondered. I never learned how to turn this exhausting pain into bliss.
Pain is just that, pain.
They scolded me not to do this.
Why? Why can’t I even end things the way I want to?
They told me to find out why I hurt.
I know too well. I hurt because of me. It’s all my fault and all because I’m lacking.
Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear?
No. I have done nothing wrong.
When the gentle voice blamed my personality I thought, ‘damn being a doctor is easy.’
It’s so odd that it hurts so much. People who have it worse than me live fine, people who are weaker than me carry on fine. Maybe that’s not true. There’s no one alive that’s got it worse than me or is weaker than me.
But I should live on anyway.
I keep asking myself why I should hundreds of times and it’s not for my own good. It’s for yours.
Please don’t say a word if you don’t understand.
Find out why I’m hurting? I told you why. Is it so wrong to hurt so much because of that, do I need to have a more dramatic reason? A more specific reason?
I told you already. Were you not listening? Things you can overcome don’t scar you for life.
Clashing with the world was never meant for me.
The life of fame was never meant for me.
That’s all the reason why it hurts. Because I’m famous. Why did I choose this. It’s so funny.
It’s a wonder I lasted so long.
What can I say. Just tell me I’ve done well. That this is good enough. That I’ve worked hard. Even if you can’t smile don’t fault me on my way. You did well, you worked hard. Goodbye.
— SHINee’s Jonghyun
It has been an amazing journey with you, Jong-hyun. You will always be remembered as one of the best songwriters in the industry. Fly high, and be free. Rest in peace, Kim Jong-hyun.